Saturday, December 16, 2017

Reflecting on 2017

2017 started out rough, I remember New Years Day 2017 like it was yesterday; thinking that my life sucked,  thinking how did I get here, will I ever be happy again, blah blah. PATHETIC!

No one said life was easy.  In case you fell asleep while reading this blog you should know my life has been anything but easy.  Of course I have had my share of good times, even great from time but for the most part my adult life has always been hard, always stressful and mostly bad.  I learned a long time ago to smile and find the good in everything if I could.  Don't let the bad define me.
The heartbreak I was feeling at the start of 2017 was loss of love, loss of his family, loss of his friends whom I thought also were mine, etc.  When I relationship ends so does all the parts included in that relationship.  I was miserable, once again hiding behind a fake smile. 

The I started living again.  About April, I decided to stop thinking about what I had lost and start focusing on what I still had.  I met some amazing folks, no one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but amazing none the less. 

I looked up, and there he was.  This charming, kind, amazing guy.  He is everything I always wanted, everything I always dreamed of, everything  I never thought I would ever have.  Don't get me wrong, I don't have to be with a man to be happy, but being with a man who adores you, doesn't suck either.  I've never been with a man who treats me the way he does, that makes me feel the way he does and who accepts me for who I am and not who he wants me to be. 

I feel fortunate to have him but the change is that he feels lucky to have me.  He spoils the crap out of me and honestly it's quite nice but I also spoil him. I don't have to worry about anything with Charles, he has my back, he ensures my safety, he has my best interest at hand and he doesn't have it in him to hurt me.

We each bring things to the table the other one doesn't have, which as a couple balances out.  We've both been hurt, we both have a past but our future together is so exciting.  

I'm ending 2017 on a positive note, in a positive place and surrounded by positive people.  I am every bit excited about 2018 and the adventures that Charles and I will experience together.

YOLO and I am living.  For the first time in my entire life my life is rainbows, unicorns and magic!

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Niagra Falls, Ontario Canada

Charles and I went to Niagara Falls for 5 wonderful days.  I had never been to Canada, so we stayed in Ontario, Canada with a view of the falls from the hotel.  If you've never seen the falls, you simply can't even imagine how awesome they are.  You can feel the mist from the falls from football fields away.  We walked to the casino and he taught me how to play black jack, he and I played black jack side by side for hours for three days.
Everyday we would sleep in, each breakfast, he would nap and I would go to the hotel gym and then we would go to lunch and then the casino and/or shopping.  He bought me 6 Pandora beads for my bracelet and one of them is exclusive to that hotel.
I can't wait for our next adventure. 

Life is rainbows and unicorns

Love him

Look at that rainbow

Welcome to Canada

Night cap at the hotel bar

He hates his picture taken but he is going to be a pro soon.  I love my pictures

Add caption

we are just to cute


I was invited to model at the Ft. Washington Park for a one day super shoot with the infamous Kelly and Kalina Schneider..  It was fairly cool out but the day was gorgeous.  Up at 5:30 am hair done, makeup complete, time to go.  I was the first model to arrive so I got some much loved one on one time with the fabulous Kelly and Kalina.  Towards the end of my time, Charles showed up and had his pictures taken with his two kids and some with me.  I am convinced that the one of Charles and I is the best photo ever taken of me.  I feel so safe, so relaxed, and so loved in his arms, I believe that is where I was meant to be.  Love is great, love is kind and my God do I love him.  

Friday, September 15, 2017

Logan's first car

Well I finally did it.  I bought Logan his first car.  Working two jobs, to make it happen but I was able to figure it out. I had this vision of how excited he would be.  I had been working with a friend to locate a car that fit my needs and was within my price range for awhile, finally the day had come and I was having the car delivered to the house.  It was all figured out, and guess what?  Logan was out cold on the couch and no matter what I did, I couldn't wake him up.  The car was in the driveway for over three hours before he finally woke up to see it. 


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

My hero's

Living a life with no parents has been the most challenging thing I have had to overcome.  My father died when I was just 26 years old, and my mom when I was 40.  I've lived most of my life without at least one of my parents. 

My father was in the Army/Air Force so when he died I contacted the National Cemetery in Roseburg Oregon where my family lives and got him a plot there for my family to go to mourn him.  My parents had this love hate relationship, so my siblings were hesitant to have my mother's name added to my father's plot.  Recently I decided that I wanted both their names on the headstone so I called the cemetery again and did all the necessary paperwork to have my mother's name added.  The individual I was working with at the cemetery took this photo and texted it to me, I can't wait till the day I can stand in the grass and bring flowers to the two people in the world that hung the moon in my eyes, the two people who made me the woman I am today, and who one day I will see again.  May my parents rest in peace, I love you. 

Friday, August 18, 2017


Yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself and I wrote a blog.  Later in the day, I received an email from someone I love asking if I was OK.  I started thinking WOW Trish really?  Pull your head out of your ass and stop focusing on what you don't have and look at what you do have. 

Everyone knows I am a simple girl.  Born and raised the last child of 8 in Oregon.  My family was and is to this day ridiculously close.  We didn't have much when I was a child, I got hand me down clothes until I was old enough to work during the summer to buy my own, we didn't go on vacations, BUT we had something most family's don't, we were rich in love. 

We had taco night, everyone in the kitchen and I mean 8 kids, some had husbands, wife's, girlfriend and boyfriends, my parents, it was loud as hell, chaotic, you could hardly move around, but we all had a job, cut the tomatoes, cook the meat, whatever we all did something.  We would laugh, pick fun, tease, but most importantly we were together.  To this day when I make tacos I think of my family taco night.  My parents were not educated people, neither of them graduated from high school, but they were smarter than anyone I've ever met.  They knew what was important and although I didn't know it at the time, when I reflect now, I know I am the person I am today because of them.

With that said it's important to me that I pass that quality down to my children and my grandson.  I don't have much, and I certainly don't have anything worth anything (monetarily) to pass to them but every single day I try to ensure they know how much I love them, how important family is, I tell them stories about my family, my memories, and I show them things I do have that are cherished. 

When my grandmother was nearing the end of her life she asked me if there was anything she had that I wanted.  My grandmother had been married 5 times but I always considered Russell as my grandfather, I always loved staying at their house as a child and when he died I was devastated.  So I asked her for something he gave her, maybe a piece of jewelry or something.  She indicated that she didn't have anything from him anymore but I could have her mother's ring and she took it off her finger and handed it to me.  I don't have to tell you how important that was to me.  Years later I was in Oregon visiting my family and I was rummaging through my sister Liz's jewelry box and I saw this old ring that was broken.  It appeared that it had been cut off someones finger.  I asked her about it and she said it was grams wedding ring to Russell she gave it to me years ago.  I tried to hide my sadness but deep down I was so sad that Gram had given it to someone else. 

In October of 2009 three of my sisters and of course my brother Johnny came to Maryland for my 40th birthday.  5 Birch's at my house for the first time I couldn't even imagine how awesome it was going to be.  My sister Liz and probably my best friend in the entire world, privately hands me this box  and says open it.  Do I need to tell you the joy I felt when I opened the box to see the broken wedding ring I so desired.  (I gave her the mother's ring so she would have something too) It's still in my jewelry box, in the same case she gave it to me in, and it's still broken but I have it.  One day I will have the extra cash to have it repaired and actually wear it but ultimately I have it.

Years ago my mother in law Mickey gave me her mothers (Nana) favorite mantilla.  It's black lace, sheer, and absolutely the most beautiful piece of lace I have ever seen.  She wore it every week religiously to mass.  When Mickey gave it to me I was honored, she couldn't even imagine how special this gift was to me.  Nana was an amazing woman, she was short, frail, gorgeous and absolutely the kindest person I had ever met.  She had this strong sense about her, her accent was charming and she absolutely adored me and my children.  She welcomed us all into her family and always made me feel loved.  She had this magical way of lighting up a room and bringing joy to everyone in it.  It's difficult sometimes to find the perfect place in your home for something with such meaning, somewhere it won't be damaged, somewhere you can admire it daily, somewhere amazing.  I stewed about it, I tried this and that and then suddenly it hit me to drape it over my most cherished objects.  It was perfect, it was in a safe place but it was where I could look at it and remember her.  To this day it's there and it will remain there until the day I take my last breath.

Mr. Paul came to visit this year and when he arrived he took out this zip lock bag and said hey my mom wanted you to have this.  As I opened the bag, it was full of tarnished silver spoons, but what I saw were treasures, I saw memories, I saw Nana.  I remembered a bowl Mickey had given me years prior that was also silver, so I grabbed it from the cabinet and I put the spoons in it. 

Recently I polished them all, I put them in the shinny bowl and I thought about how blessed I am to be trusted with such treasures that were two generations handed down, and how I would hand them down to mine when I am gone.  I have already bought three more from my vacations this summer to add to the already amazing collection. 

Taco night for me was priceless, family treasures don't have to be expensive, its about the memory, the thought behind the objects, being trusted to safeguard them, what they meant to the person, how they made that person feel.  I don't have much, and I am certainly not rich, but I have everything a small town girl from Oregon could ever need. 

What do you see?

Thursday, August 17, 2017

He's a gift

Since my divorce I met what I thought was the love of my life, I met some nice guys, I met some total dicks, and of course, I met men who only want a bootie call.   One nice thing is that for the most part I have remained friends with many of them, four in particular mean the world to me and I can't imagine my life without them. 

Seems my blog  Tin Man is still holding.  I hate that I can't get past this impossible scenario.  I try so hard to forget, to not think, to not feel, but my friend Face says it's who I am, I care, I have a heart. It's true I do, I care, I want the fairytale.  I want someone to sweep me off my feet, to love me unconditionally, to tell me I am beautiful, to hold me at night and want nothing more than I have to give.

I am 47 years old and there has only been one man in my entire life that made me feel like I was the only person in the room.  It's such an amazing feeling, my god it's indescribable.  When I'm by his side I feel like we are the only two people in the world.  I think about all the fun times we have had, all the cool things we have shared and it literally makes me smile and I look forward to our next adventure.  I am 100% happy just knowing I am going to see him, spend time with him, and get to feel like a queen even though for him he is just being him.  The glory of him is that he doesn't even realize what he is doing that makes me so happy.   

All I need in my life to be totally happy, truly satisfied is to meet a man who makes me feel the way he does but a man who I also make feel the same.  I am sort of closer to being at peace knowing that man doesn't exist for me, but I have lived because I do know how it feels and I won't settle for anything less. 

Wednesday, August 16, 2017


OMG!  I mean what else can you say about Belize.............

It's the most beautiful place I have ever seen.  We snorkeled, we swam in the wide open ocean with Sharks swarming us so close we touched them, we speared/ate lobster, we went fishing on a charter boat, we ate the best food I've ever had, we toured and climbed the Mayan ruins, we went to two private beaches, I mean we were there for 10 days and there is nothing we didn't do.  I am a very lucky person that is finally living life.

This is the view standing at the door of the house I stayed

This was our ride the day we speared lobster, fished and swam with the sharks.  We are parked eating the food we caught on a private beach just the 4 of us and the two boat guys that are cooking our food.

View from back door

First day standing at the end of the dock

Evening view from house

Another view from the house

This place is called private beach

Monkey just came down to the boat to get a snack from our hands

Climbing it was tough and it was hot as you know what