Monday, December 5, 2016

Inside Out

Last year I began a personal transformation (Transformation) (Transformation Update) (Transformation Update)(Transformation complete) .  I worked really hard at the gym, I ate right and I was really beginning to feel like the person I had really thought was gone forever.  I lost a total of 58 pounds from August 2015 - April 2016.  I felt amazing.

Then I met Brian and as you can see from the millions of posts we had an amazing summer, full of vacations, camping, concerts, corn hole, boating, the beach, friends, you name it we had the greatest time.  Problem was that we drank A LOT of beer, I wasn't going to the gym and I wasn't eating right.  In my defense all I wanted was to be with him, and I felt comfortable that our relationship was solid and since I spent 8 months driving to his house, I never went to the gym, who had time???  We always talked about how the winter was for getting back into shape and working out.  I would say that this winter I was going to lose a ton of extra weight so that next summer I could compensate for the expected fun and beer drinking.  My assumption was that after the summer fun was done, we would focus on getting ourselves back in shape.  You know what they say about assumptions - UGH!

So here I am, no Brian, heavier than I want to be and right back in the transformation stage.  This time I plan to do more, and look even better.  I have a couple short time goals that I am keeping to myself and an overall goal to lose a certain amount between now and 1 Feb 2017.  Once the weight I want is off, I plan to focus on improving my overall body.  Toning every inch, trying to get somewhat of a solid stomach, a six pack would be a first and a goal to work on for sure, and I plan to improve my butt.  LOL

During this time, I will be attending church regularly and cleansing myself on the inside.  I have made a couple decisions lately that I regret and that make me feel like I need forgiveness.  I have an unusually high set of expectations for myself and I have let myself down.

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends I neglected while dating Brian.  I definitely had the time of my life with him but I did a very poor job of balancing my life and the people who have been there for me before and after Brian.  I spent every possible moment with him, his kids and his friends and no time with mine.  I should have handled that better and now I am trying to improve that part of my life too. 

I am not sure how to live day to day without Brian.  I enjoy talking to him, I always have a good time when I see him, it was never about what we did, we just always had an amazing time doing it.  I still will go on record and say what Brian and I had was rare and magnificent and I really am not sure you get more chances at that type of a relationship.  However I am focused and motivated on me and Logan.  It's my time to cross the finish line and be amazing from the inside out.

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