Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Jeepers Creepers................

I know I am amazing, I know that I am everything you are not but you know there is a solution to this.  Get up every single day and be the best version of YOU, don't do things you have to lie about, don't cheat, don't have secrets from people you say you love, be a friend, be loyal, listen, be humble, be kind, care about others, don't hurt people, love, laugh, live, put other's feelings above your own and pray a lot. One day you will surprise yourself at the peace you feel by being good.  You will realize that the ones you seek don't deserve you, they made their choices/decisions so........... move on.

You're so concerned with who I am, who I am dating, who I am not dating, what me and my date are doing and where we have been, that you really take the time to creep my blog??  It's called obsession and you really should use your energy on something more constructive.  This is my life, my day to day, get your own life - CREEPER.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Decision is made

I spent the last 9 days at Brian's.  We had as usual an amazing time.  We went to dinner, we went out on the boat, he played Corn hole, we played corn hole, I went out to dinner with our friends while he played corn hole, I went and watched him play corn hole, we went to Kevin's football games, it was a great 9 days.  I didn't have to commute but 15 minutes to class each day so it was so nice to actually see how other people live without having to commute 1-3 hours a day everyday. 

I knew I loved that area but now I am 100% sure that I love it and I plan to move down there.  I am in the process now of updating my resume and will start working towards this plan sooner rather than later.  I told Brian I was moving down there.  My kids are nearly gone and I have decided I will move my life to that area. 

Brian and I talked about this a hundred times over the summer but even though things are different with him and I now, who knows where the future will lead either of us.  He is always going to be special to me, someone I love, someone I will always care about.  We have tons of mutual friends, his family and I are close and honestly there is no way I could ever rid myself of the amazing people I met this past 6 months, nor would I want to. 

Below are some pictures of the week that I took, but the best ones of course are for my eyes only. 

Kings Dominion

Logan, his girlfriend Carrie and I went to Kings Dominion as we do every year several times.  It's almost Halloween so we went to Fright Fest.  Making memories with my son that will last a lifetime.   

Friday, October 14, 2016

Washington National's vs LA Dodgers play off game #3

Sunday, October 9, 2016 I was driving home and a friend of mine, Robb called and said he had 2 tickets to the play off game that day (that was actually starting in 15 minutes) and how long would it take me to get to the stadium.  For starters he never calls me, he is always working, so the fact that he actually called me was surprising.  Additionally we haven't seen each other since March, we text but for the most part haven't really had much contact since I began dating Brian.  He has lots of friends/family in the area so for him to call me and invite me was pretty awesome.  I hesitated at first, I had a million reasons in my head why I shouldn't go, but in the end I agreed that it sounded amazing and I would meet him there. 

I drove as quickly as possible and met him at the gate.  He looked exactly as I remembered and let me tell you we had the absolute best seats.  He got a gold star for this one.  We had a couple beers, we shared a sandwich, and laughed and cheered.  The National's came out on top and ultimately it was a great day. 

These days when you can hang out with someone, be yourself 100% and have a great time too, it's a 5 star day. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

Summer isn't all thats over..........

After slightly more than 6 months of non-stop amazing fun, Brian and I broke up.  WHAT?  WHY?  If only I knew.  We spent basically together 5-6 days a week for the past 6 months together.  There was only one weekend since the day we met we weren’t together.  We went on so many adventures and we laughed harder than I ever have.  We talked about moving in together, we said we loved each other, we talked about our future.  We never once had a fight, we never once went to bed angry, and we never once had a disagreement, so you ask me what happened?  My response is who the hell knows.

I spent 5 days in a row with him like usual, and like usual it was all great.  I came home on Tuesday morning and Thursday he tells me he no longer is in love with me and breaks up with me.  Normally in this situation I would find myself crying, asking what happened.  What did I do?  What could I have done differently? I didn’t ask myself these questions this time, I know I did nothing but treat Brian like a king, love his family and friends and basically was the perfect girlfriend.  I know that I never had been anything but great to him, and this was not on me to own.  I was vulnerable, I gave him 100% every day and I did anything he wanted/needed, I put him ahead of myself.  There was literally nothing I didn’t do for him. I put myself out there and was the best possible girlfriend I could be.

I held my head high, shoulders back and although my heart was broken, I didn’t cry, I didn’t ask many questions, and I accepted that he was dismissing not only me and the past 6 months, but he was doing it on the phone after I had just left there.  If that wasn’t bad enough, he then brings all my belongings to me when he knew I wasn’t home.  Not that I wanted to see him, but in my mind I felt like that was just another chicken shit way for him to avoid looking me in the eyes.

He doesn't agree with my analogies but why would he?  If he agreed with me that would be admitting he was unkind to me, admitting that he treated me badly and no one wants to do that.  He will admit that I didn't do anything; he will say I was wonderful to him, his son, his family, his friends, basically everyone and that I was always me, I was always the same girl he met that first day, the girl he said he loved even the very day he broke up with me.  Did he ever love me, did he use me to spend the summer with and once our final trip was over he was done with me, did he love me but he met someone else because that is what men do and that he just sucks at break ups.  Geesh let’s hope I am not that bad a judge of character that I wouldn't have figured that out prior to giving 6 months of my life to a man and loving him in every capacity possible. I do not believe Brian is a bad guy, I think he is really a good man, I believe he knows what happened and he just can't bring himself to say it to me.  I also believe that he will totally regret this decision one day.  We had a great summer and it was amazing to feel like I was actually loved for once so I refuse to regret anything about meeting him. 

All in all, I am glad I found out now, I am glad that I had a remarkable summer but I am angry with how he's made me feel like it was easy to throw me out like last week’s trash, he appears to be totally unemotional regarding his decision to end our relationship, he seems to have no remorse, or feelings at all.  I didn’t deserve that, and I certainly would never have treated him so unkind.  My biggest problem is I give 100% and I love unconditionally, I trust.  If you say you love me, you want a future with me, I believe you, I trust your words.  I am kind even when others are not, I always try to be the bigger person and I would never hurt another human on purpose.

I’ve decided not to burry my head, not to sit around and mope.  I will continue to hold my head up, shoulders back, smile and continue to search for my prince charming.  Until I meet him, I guess I will kiss a whole lot of frogs and probably get hurt again but without risk comes nothing.