My first husband cheated for years. We were together 10 years and married 6. When we divorced I swore I would never be with a guy who cheated again. 9 years into my second marriage my husband cheated the first time. I was devastated, I couldn't believe he did it, I really thought we were actually happy. I did what I said I would never do and forgave him.
When I joined my first online dating site, I was petrified. I tried to remember that people are dishonest, people will probably lie, and I needed to have my eyes wide open at all times. I paid for one month on zoosk and I met Jeff. If you read my blog, than you already know the short story of Jeff http://trishbrechtel.blogspot.com/2016/05/dating-sucks.html Jeff emailed me last week and said we should meet. I replied and let him know I was exclusively seeing someone. He wrote back and said thank you for being honest. I replied and said hey we can be friends, I mean I have no ill will towards him, and I am not opposed to chatting from time to time to see how life is treating him. He responded that we couldn't be friends. Ok well whatever that is fine too. That was that and I didn't think about it again. Than...............
I was riding in the truck with Brian and scrolling down Facebook when the "People you may know" thing came up. There it was Jeff's Facebook profile and his profile picture was with a girl. I was curious, I mean nothing wrong with that, so I clicked on it and since I am not friends with him on Facebook, my visibility is limited but I clicked on the comments of that photo and I could see that people were saying how cute and happy they looked. That is cool, I want him to be happy, shit I want everyone to be happy for that matter. Because it's human to be curious, I took a quick nosey look at her profile and saw a lot of pictures of her and Jeff. One of which was posted on what looked like a vacation to Vegas during the timeframe he was talking with me last fall.
Now I am mad, because I would never ever date a married or involved man. Even though we only went to dinner 3 times, I did that not knowing he was involved with another woman. I asked Brian what I should do. He said he would send him a friend request so Jeff would know that I know, so I did. Almost immediately Jeff changed his profile picture and blocked me. Seriously? Guilt got ya??
Let me say this, I knew something was off about him from the very beginning. I asked him over and over again what was up with him and he was convincingly just busy. His beloved dog had died, then his mom's cat and plus he worked crazy weird hours and was also a DJ on the side. My gut told me he was full of shit, but I continued to email and text him and tell myself he was a good guy. Ultimately I only met him for dinner three times all of which he paid for but that doesn't excuse him for being dishonest and intentionally betraying me.
I've never cheated on a man and I've never been the other woman, and I pride myself on that. I will never be a home wrecker, the person who breaks up another person's family, the woman who has no self respect and has a relationship with a man who has confessed his "supposed" love for another, NO WAY IN HELL WILL THAT EVER BE ME, so for Jeff to put me unknowingly into that category I am beyond mad. I believe in commitment, I believe when you tell someone you love them, that you actually mean it. I believe if I allow a man to place a ring on my finger that I am his one and only, that he has considered that before he asks to put the ring there. I believe in a committed relationship, an engagement, and of course a marriage being sacred promises between two people. If you can't be a one and only to another hey that is fine, just own it. Don't pretend to commit to a person, don't lead another on or make someone believe you love them when you don't. Nothing good ever comes from intentionally betraying another person.
I was talking to a friend about this yesterday and they said I should tell Jeff's girlfriend. Well that is NEVER going to happen. One he could be a crazy man and I am not putting myself or my family/friends in that situation and two if I go back to my 2nd marriage when he cheated the first time, I figured out who she was. She was married and had a young daughter. The first time I talked to her, I told her that if she left my family and my husband alone, I wouldn't tell her husband. My thought process was why destroy another family? Why hurt her husband and her daughter if I didn't have too, they were innocent just like I was. I care about people, I care about family and I didn't feel like telling her husband was the right thing to do.
That is how I still feel. Jeff will mess up eventually, he will get his, and Karma always comes back around. Maybe this girl is cheating on him too, maybe she isn't, regardless it's their drama, their problem.
Maybe the fact that I do my best to be good everyday and was previously handed a raw deal, maybe meeting Brian is my Karma. I believe Karma can be good as well as bad. I can tell you that Brian is a fabulous guy who currently is my personal superhero. He has shown me how it feels to love again, how to laugh all the time, how to smile until your cheeks hurt, how to feel safe. When I look at him, I see a great man, I'm learning his past, and he mine, I consider myself lucky we met, lucky our hearts were open to love again. He is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last before I sleep, who knows what the future holds but I pray my future has him in it.
I say keep the faith, stay good, take the high road, strive everyday to be the best version of yourself you can be and maybe Karma will bless you as it has me. OR be a liar, a cheat, a fake, hurt others, destroy lives and Karma will come knocking on your door and when it does not only will you be hurt but more often than not, others will be hurt along the way too.
Bad destroys and spreads like cancer, good is contagious. Which path will you choose? To me there is no choice to make. Good wins every time.