Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Dating SUCKS.....

My 40's haven't been what I thought they would be for sure.  Funny thing is the one thing I have learned is that you can think you want something and pray for it, and when you don't get it, you can be mad, you can cry, you can blame God, but more often than not, you end up with something so much better that you can't remember why you wanted the other thing to begin with.

Last year when Mr. Paul left I spent probably 5 months crying, drinking and feeling like my life was over.  I prayed we would be together again, be happy, be that couple we initially were but in the end, that is never going to happen.  Now I realize that I wasn't happy either and that he did me a favor for sure.   

I started really dating in January of this year.  My first real dating was with a guy I'll call him Jeff.  I actually started talking to Jeff in October 2015, but then when Mr. Paul came back I stopped talking to him, but when Mr. Paul left again, I texted Jeff and we started talking all over again.  He was nice, funny, good looking, he made me laugh, he had the most amazing childlike imagination and he had a great job.  I spoke to him mainly via text/email and sometimes the phone (he said because of his job) and we went out to dinner 3 times.  That seems normal right?  If having dinner 3 times in 7 months is normal than I suppose so.  We would go weeks and one time several months without speaking or hearing from each other.  That’s not dating in my book, it’s more like catching up with a complete stranger.  Each time you see them, you’re basically starting over again.  I'm not sure why the dates were so sporadic but in the end, I feel like I met a nice guy, whom I wouldn't mind catching up with time to time.  I don't regret meeting him at all, but I think I will probably always wonder why he was so totally distant.  He always said he worked a lot, but seriously who doesn't have time to send a text or an email?

Then there was the guy I'll call him Robb.  He was great.  He was HOT, a great dad, a super hard worker, he was super affectionate, had the most amazing way of making me feel special, he looked at me in a way no man had ever looked at me, he was nice, he had the most amazing head of hair, and funny.  He had recently also been dogged by a person he loved.  He was scared by her memory, and wasn't interested in getting into another relationship.  We discussed this in the very beginning and we were both on the same page, or so I thought...  Things with us started fine, no issues, but each time we saw each other, I realized that I was not really into combat dating.  It was hard to know that someone I liked was (possibly/more than likely) seeing other woman, when he couldn't see me and weeks went by was it because he was really busy or ??  Who goes weeks without seeing someone when they are "dating"?  Who knew but I was not in the position to have a say either way and I knew it.  When we saw each other, it was truly amazing, but he never asked me to do anything, he never initiated any communication with me, it was always me planning and initiating and feeling like a complete burden on him, so after 5 weeks of not seeing him, I started to get really annoyed, and he started becoming rude. His texts were short and snotty, then I just couldn't continue this, so I told him I was not able to continue to see him.  He said he knew I needed more than he had to offer and he didn't know how to handle that.  I realized that although he was truly amazing, he wasn't the guy for me, and he knew he couldn't be the guy I needed, so in the end we decided we made much better friends.  We text and talk from time to time and I enjoy hearing from him.  I have no regrets meeting him either, he was amazing and he taught me a lot about who I was, what I needed but more importantly what I deserved.  He taught me some about what I liked in men and what I didn't.  Meeting him changed how I saw myself and for that I can never repay him.   

Then there was the couple of guys that I "met" that I either didn't meet face-to-face or that I did and I had no interest in.  The dating scene seemed awful and annoying and like I was a hamster on a wheel, just spinning and spinning and getting absolutely no where.  There were your sex crazed men, the overly confident douche bags, and the ones you have zero interest in.  Then.............

I spotted a profile of a guy with the most amazing smile.  As I read his profile I noticed he had some contradictions so I emailed him and let him know so he could fix them.  We started talking, then texting and the next day we decided to go ahead and meet up and have a beer.  Well that was April 8, 2016 and so far we are still going strong. He is HOT, funny, has a good job, he is a great father, he is easy to talk to, has the most amazing family, he's sincere, honest, loyal, he treats me like a Queen and he goes out of his way to talk and see me.  I feel like I can literally talk to him about anything, and honestly I think that is how it's supposed to be.   

He and I seem to have met at the perfect time in our lives and for whatever reason we just fit.  We laugh, we talk, sometimes we cry but at the end of the day we click.  He gets me, I get him and together we have so much fun.  Things with us seem to be on fast forward and have really seemed that way to both of us since we met.  Who knows what the future will bring or not bring, but I have learned through this whole thing that I will just enjoy each day for the blessings I receive and hope that tomorrow brings even more sunshine and unicorns. 

I guess at the end of the day, I have to feel lucky that I only actually dated two men before I found him, and I didn't have to go years of searching and being hurt and whatever other dating drama before I met the man that seems to be my perfect match.  I have deleted my online profile and if  "Mr. Right now" and I work out, I will be thrilled to say that I will never have to go on another first date again.

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