Monday, December 19, 2016

Logan turns 17

Saturday was a very busy day, WOW Logan turned 17.  We got up at 7 am drove to my hairdressers house so Logan could get a haircut, left there and picked up Logan's girlfriend Carrie, went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple things, then we came home.  Robb arrived and we immediately left for dinner at Bonefish.  Dinner was amazing of course, afterwards we immediately left and went to my friend Kelly and his wife's Christmas party.  Busy but fun day.  Robb is a great guy, I don't see him very much but I always enjoy when I do. 
 Carrie and I messing around while we wait for Robb to arrive
 Silly picture at dinner but I really think it's cute.  He is so adorable. 
 Robb and I at the party
 Kelly and Kalina being silly
 Logan and Carrie

Thursday, December 15, 2016


I had never heard this song until today, and my God that would be amazing.  To have amnesia but only to forget those that have hurt you, those you loved that didn't love you back, those that you loved that died, just any specific thing if you could choose to forget it, that would be absolutely ..............PERFECT!!!!!

Monday, December 12, 2016

Focus on what actually matters

The things I can truly cherish are below and at the end of the day, they're all that matters.  They bring me joy and make me happy.  When my life here on earth is done, I will have lived a life full of character and one I can be proud of. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Chili cook off

Logan and I are spent Saturday at a chili cook off.  The proceeds were for a local man with cancer.  Logan's girlfriend Carrie and her family not only went but entered two types of chili.  They won 2 of the 3 categories.  We had a fun day for sure.  He's my little buddy.  What am I going to do when he graduates in a year and I am an empty nester?? 

Monday, December 5, 2016

Inside Out

Last year I began a personal transformation (Transformation) (Transformation Update) (Transformation Update)(Transformation complete) .  I worked really hard at the gym, I ate right and I was really beginning to feel like the person I had really thought was gone forever.  I lost a total of 58 pounds from August 2015 - April 2016.  I felt amazing.

Then I met Brian and as you can see from the millions of posts we had an amazing summer, full of vacations, camping, concerts, corn hole, boating, the beach, friends, you name it we had the greatest time.  Problem was that we drank A LOT of beer, I wasn't going to the gym and I wasn't eating right.  In my defense all I wanted was to be with him, and I felt comfortable that our relationship was solid and since I spent 8 months driving to his house, I never went to the gym, who had time???  We always talked about how the winter was for getting back into shape and working out.  I would say that this winter I was going to lose a ton of extra weight so that next summer I could compensate for the expected fun and beer drinking.  My assumption was that after the summer fun was done, we would focus on getting ourselves back in shape.  You know what they say about assumptions - UGH!

So here I am, no Brian, heavier than I want to be and right back in the transformation stage.  This time I plan to do more, and look even better.  I have a couple short time goals that I am keeping to myself and an overall goal to lose a certain amount between now and 1 Feb 2017.  Once the weight I want is off, I plan to focus on improving my overall body.  Toning every inch, trying to get somewhat of a solid stomach, a six pack would be a first and a goal to work on for sure, and I plan to improve my butt.  LOL

During this time, I will be attending church regularly and cleansing myself on the inside.  I have made a couple decisions lately that I regret and that make me feel like I need forgiveness.  I have an unusually high set of expectations for myself and I have let myself down.

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends I neglected while dating Brian.  I definitely had the time of my life with him but I did a very poor job of balancing my life and the people who have been there for me before and after Brian.  I spent every possible moment with him, his kids and his friends and no time with mine.  I should have handled that better and now I am trying to improve that part of my life too. 

I am not sure how to live day to day without Brian.  I enjoy talking to him, I always have a good time when I see him, it was never about what we did, we just always had an amazing time doing it.  I still will go on record and say what Brian and I had was rare and magnificent and I really am not sure you get more chances at that type of a relationship.  However I am focused and motivated on me and Logan.  It's my time to cross the finish line and be amazing from the inside out.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Jeepers Creepers................

I know I am amazing, I know that I am everything you are not but you know there is a solution to this.  Get up every single day and be the best version of YOU, don't do things you have to lie about, don't cheat, don't have secrets from people you say you love, be a friend, be loyal, listen, be humble, be kind, care about others, don't hurt people, love, laugh, live, put other's feelings above your own and pray a lot. One day you will surprise yourself at the peace you feel by being good.  You will realize that the ones you seek don't deserve you, they made their choices/decisions so........... move on.

You're so concerned with who I am, who I am dating, who I am not dating, what me and my date are doing and where we have been, that you really take the time to creep my blog??  It's called obsession and you really should use your energy on something more constructive.  This is my life, my day to day, get your own life - CREEPER.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Decision is made

I spent the last 9 days at Brian's.  We had as usual an amazing time.  We went to dinner, we went out on the boat, he played Corn hole, we played corn hole, I went out to dinner with our friends while he played corn hole, I went and watched him play corn hole, we went to Kevin's football games, it was a great 9 days.  I didn't have to commute but 15 minutes to class each day so it was so nice to actually see how other people live without having to commute 1-3 hours a day everyday. 

I knew I loved that area but now I am 100% sure that I love it and I plan to move down there.  I am in the process now of updating my resume and will start working towards this plan sooner rather than later.  I told Brian I was moving down there.  My kids are nearly gone and I have decided I will move my life to that area. 

Brian and I talked about this a hundred times over the summer but even though things are different with him and I now, who knows where the future will lead either of us.  He is always going to be special to me, someone I love, someone I will always care about.  We have tons of mutual friends, his family and I are close and honestly there is no way I could ever rid myself of the amazing people I met this past 6 months, nor would I want to. 

Below are some pictures of the week that I took, but the best ones of course are for my eyes only. 

Kings Dominion

Logan, his girlfriend Carrie and I went to Kings Dominion as we do every year several times.  It's almost Halloween so we went to Fright Fest.  Making memories with my son that will last a lifetime.   

Friday, October 14, 2016

Washington National's vs LA Dodgers play off game #3

Sunday, October 9, 2016 I was driving home and a friend of mine, Robb called and said he had 2 tickets to the play off game that day (that was actually starting in 15 minutes) and how long would it take me to get to the stadium.  For starters he never calls me, he is always working, so the fact that he actually called me was surprising.  Additionally we haven't seen each other since March, we text but for the most part haven't really had much contact since I began dating Brian.  He has lots of friends/family in the area so for him to call me and invite me was pretty awesome.  I hesitated at first, I had a million reasons in my head why I shouldn't go, but in the end I agreed that it sounded amazing and I would meet him there. 

I drove as quickly as possible and met him at the gate.  He looked exactly as I remembered and let me tell you we had the absolute best seats.  He got a gold star for this one.  We had a couple beers, we shared a sandwich, and laughed and cheered.  The National's came out on top and ultimately it was a great day. 

These days when you can hang out with someone, be yourself 100% and have a great time too, it's a 5 star day. 

Monday, October 3, 2016

Summer isn't all thats over..........

After slightly more than 6 months of non-stop amazing fun, Brian and I broke up.  WHAT?  WHY?  If only I knew.  We spent basically together 5-6 days a week for the past 6 months together.  There was only one weekend since the day we met we weren’t together.  We went on so many adventures and we laughed harder than I ever have.  We talked about moving in together, we said we loved each other, we talked about our future.  We never once had a fight, we never once went to bed angry, and we never once had a disagreement, so you ask me what happened?  My response is who the hell knows.

I spent 5 days in a row with him like usual, and like usual it was all great.  I came home on Tuesday morning and Thursday he tells me he no longer is in love with me and breaks up with me.  Normally in this situation I would find myself crying, asking what happened.  What did I do?  What could I have done differently? I didn’t ask myself these questions this time, I know I did nothing but treat Brian like a king, love his family and friends and basically was the perfect girlfriend.  I know that I never had been anything but great to him, and this was not on me to own.  I was vulnerable, I gave him 100% every day and I did anything he wanted/needed, I put him ahead of myself.  There was literally nothing I didn’t do for him. I put myself out there and was the best possible girlfriend I could be.

I held my head high, shoulders back and although my heart was broken, I didn’t cry, I didn’t ask many questions, and I accepted that he was dismissing not only me and the past 6 months, but he was doing it on the phone after I had just left there.  If that wasn’t bad enough, he then brings all my belongings to me when he knew I wasn’t home.  Not that I wanted to see him, but in my mind I felt like that was just another chicken shit way for him to avoid looking me in the eyes.

He doesn't agree with my analogies but why would he?  If he agreed with me that would be admitting he was unkind to me, admitting that he treated me badly and no one wants to do that.  He will admit that I didn't do anything; he will say I was wonderful to him, his son, his family, his friends, basically everyone and that I was always me, I was always the same girl he met that first day, the girl he said he loved even the very day he broke up with me.  Did he ever love me, did he use me to spend the summer with and once our final trip was over he was done with me, did he love me but he met someone else because that is what men do and that he just sucks at break ups.  Geesh let’s hope I am not that bad a judge of character that I wouldn't have figured that out prior to giving 6 months of my life to a man and loving him in every capacity possible. I do not believe Brian is a bad guy, I think he is really a good man, I believe he knows what happened and he just can't bring himself to say it to me.  I also believe that he will totally regret this decision one day.  We had a great summer and it was amazing to feel like I was actually loved for once so I refuse to regret anything about meeting him. 

All in all, I am glad I found out now, I am glad that I had a remarkable summer but I am angry with how he's made me feel like it was easy to throw me out like last week’s trash, he appears to be totally unemotional regarding his decision to end our relationship, he seems to have no remorse, or feelings at all.  I didn’t deserve that, and I certainly would never have treated him so unkind.  My biggest problem is I give 100% and I love unconditionally, I trust.  If you say you love me, you want a future with me, I believe you, I trust your words.  I am kind even when others are not, I always try to be the bigger person and I would never hurt another human on purpose.

I’ve decided not to burry my head, not to sit around and mope.  I will continue to hold my head up, shoulders back, smile and continue to search for my prince charming.  Until I meet him, I guess I will kiss a whole lot of frogs and probably get hurt again but without risk comes nothing.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Boogie and Nonnie

Boogie and I have a bond that is like no other.  My grandson worships the ground I walk on and honestly it's truly amazing.  Words can't begin to express how I feel about this guy, so let me try by posting some photos from last night where you can see the love we share.

6 months and counting............

Last weekend marked 6 months for Brian and I.  We spent several days together as usual and of course we had the most amazing time.  We still get along so well, seem to really enjoy each other's company and well I don't really know what to say other than, I am totally in love with him. 

When I first met Brian, I had no intentions on falling for him or anyone else for that matter.  I thought love was this thing people only really pretended to be in.  I had no intentions on telling another man I loved him, being in a position where I thought about another person every day when I awoke and every night before I drifted off to sleep.   I really didn't want to be vulnerable to another man, didn't want to put myself in the position to get hurt AGAIN.  I've said it before and I will say it again, the first time I met him (April 8, 2016) I left the restaurant knowing I had just hit the lottery.  I knew he was special, that day I knew everything was going to be different.  How I thought, how I felt, and for the first time in a very long time I started to look forward to the future again.  I laugh so much now, I smile all the time, I feel like I can't get enough of him.  My children say they can't remember me ever being as happy as I am now, and honestly that makes me even happier. 

I have no idea what will happen with us, where we may or may not be headed but I do know that I have high hopes for him in my future and for now, I am totally enjoying the ride.