Friday, December 25, 2015
I can say without a doubt, I won't be sad to see this year disappear and become a memory that I rarely remember. I hope I don't think of it again, I have never been more ready for a year to end, but at the same time, I never want to forget.
I sit here Christmas Day and reflect on all the things I am thankful for, all the people I am thankful for, the new friends I have met, the old friends I couldn't have lived without and the even older friends I have reconnected with after many years, regardless I am truly blessed. I've had some rough years for sure but 2015 was up there for all time worst. However a lot of quiet wonderful things did come out of this year as well. I can only continue to pray, be the best person I can be every single day, and keep my eyes focused on the future.
I learned a lot this year about about me. I learned that even though people that know me say I am the strongest person they know, I believe it, I am a really strong person. I have the ability to live through any storm and come out stronger on the other side. I may feel sad/empty inside, but I have this uncanny ability to smile and go day to day without anyone ever knowing there is a thing wrong. Maybe that isn't such a great thing but it is what it is. Then one day I look back and see what I endured and sometimes I am even amazed and think, how did I get through that??
I learned that my childhood friends are amazing. I've really reconnected with several of them, and I don't know how I would've gotten through this god awful year without them. How many texts, phone calls, pictures or just a simple hello, got me through some of the worse days I have been through. My best adult friends were truly amazing too.
I see my future and it is bright, it is full of life and love because I have been blessed.
Today is my last day "in" the office until the new year. I am taking 2 weeks off my "real" job but will be doing part time work at Target . I love that job (so far). I am sitting here at my desk with an hour and a half left of my day thinking about the holiday and I find myself so excited.
The only negative this year is Trae and Coty are in California and this is their first Christmas ever away from home. At the same time they are one step closer to creating a new life for themselves and it's a life they've chosen for themselves.
It's our first Christmas with a grand baby that is old enough to actually enjoy Christmas. I am super excited to watch him open the gifts from Mr. Paul and I.
Logan is older now, his gifts are more expensive but its also his first year "alone" at the house with Mr. Paul and I.
For the first time in 20 years, Mr. Paul doesn't know about any of his gifts and I know about mine. That has never been the case. Mr. Paul always buys me the best most perfect gifts and maybe this year is no exception. I can say the two gifts I do know about I can't wait to open and actually have. They are amazing gifts.
So yes I am sitting at my desk, awaiting 3 PM with a smile on my face. Ultimately I am happier this year than I have truly ever been. I love the family I chose for myself and that chose me. Happy Holiday's!!