Me

Me

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Friend or Foe?

I have two friends that I really don't care much for their significant other. Yesterday I was actually speaking to both of them and during a conversation with one of them she was telling me how she had been receiving phone calls from another man. He is only a friend but she enjoys talking to him. I asked her if her significant other was talking on the phone to another women would that bother her, she responded yes. I said well, just because he has played mind games with you for years, really doesn't give you the right to do it to him. I told her playing with people's hearts is cruel and if he couldn't do it without hurting her she shouldn't do it to him. She responded with but you're my friend you're supposed to be on my side.

As I told her I am on her side but I believe Karma is a beotch and it will come back eventually. You can't do to him what would hurt you. You know the saying, two wrongs don't make a right. Although I knew she wasn't mad at me for being honest and telling her how I feel, it really made me stop and think.

Do friends think that you should always take up for them even when you are against what they are doing? Does not taking up for them make you a bad or a good friend? Is it better to say nothing rather than say what is exactly on your mind (when they ask)?

I think I am a great friend and I think that people know how I feel about important issues. I also feel like telling someone you care about something that skirts how you really feel doesn't help them. As we all know telling the truth is always harder than lying in almost every situation but in the end causes so much less pain.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sanity returns?

School is back in session. Trae is a senior, Coty is a sophomore and Logan is in fourth. Finally after the absolute worst summer of all time, (actually if I am being honest the worst YEAR) maybe some peace in our home. What do I mean? Well for crying out loud you must not have any kids, or shall I say teens/young adults. First when kids are off for the summer this is what they do. Stay up all night playing video games, texting, on myspace, whatever, sleep all day long wake up just in time to shower and walk out the door to loiter at the mall till it closes and then back home again. When they drive? OMG don't even get me started. I was a kid once and although I am sure they forget that, there is no fooling me. I have seen it, done it, said it, and they just simply are not going to get over on me.

In the meantime the drama.........girls calling, ringing the doorbell, missed appointments (due to over sleeping) which according to them wouldn't happen if I didn't make a dentist appointment in the morning. I am on another planet, last time I checked 1:00 p.m. is early afternoon. Why can't this person stay the night who cares that you work and get up at 5:00 a.m. we won't wake you we'll still be up anyway, piling teens in my son's car, seat belts? Please how dumb are you anyway? baseball practice, games, this kid needs a ride too, senior photos, this girl with this guy then well that was 5 minutes ago-- jeez mom catch up. Anyway I think you get the picture. The difference between summer vacation and now you ask?

Bedtimes, rules, schedules, hopefully some responsibility and peace and quiet. They all go to their respective rooms about 10:00 p.m. I find it hard to go to bed because the house, it's so quiet and peaceful. No wrestling pillows or each other, no fighting, nothing just the sound of my favorite movie. Aww the tranquility of it all.

Lets not forget the power of threats. If you don't do well in school, if you don't ace this test, no kids staying the night, no driving, no phone ---HOLY CRAP DID SHE SAY NO PHONE??? Yeah that's the attention getter for my boys. Take my car, take my allowance, take whatever you want but please don't take my communication to the outside world!!!!!!!!! WOW!!

Using school to get your way as a parent is a very powerful tool. Hey kids don't do what their parents say (well at least mine don't) so we need that edge, that one thing we can use to get what we need that ultimately is for them anyway. Like using Santa's arrival or shall I say non-arrival on the younger ones to get them to eat their veggies. Whatever it's the same thing. Well it was for me until the other day. What happened? Well as you know my mom died in January and while I was in Oregon with her I found my old yearbooks. Inside one of them was a report card from high school. My GPA was like a 1.0 (long story). Yep that's what I said-- a one point zero. Trae of course came across it just the other day and said mom if I got a 1.7 and you were mad and said all I was doing in school was breathing, what were you doing in school when you got a 1.0? Now seriously what the hell do I say to that?

There are no books on how to be a perfect parent, no boxes to check as you handle one issue and move on to the next. We remember what our parents did or what our friends parents did and we do the best we can. It's basically trial by error, if this didn't work let me try this, etc. I wouldn't be who I am today and my life wouldn't be as satisfying without those three buggers but there is nothing wrong with me liking a little stress-free, quiet evenings either.

Logan was actually excited on the first day but the sun was in his eyes.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Men vs. Woman

In general conversation and throughout my life, it's funny how men refer to their wives as "the old lady"; "the old bag"; and "ball and chain". How wude!!!! Or they say the flame is out, died, lost, or whatever. Men usually lack good communication skills (at least most women believe that) in general so even if they don't feel this way, we as women think they do because they don't tell us otherwise.

Why is it that a man can sit on the couch, lift his leg and blast a 5 minute long fart and yet if a women accidentally passes gas it's like the man looks at her like "Are you kidding, that is so gross". I'm not kidding I have 3 sons and it starts at the very earliest of ages, they can't believe that a women would ever do that. They look at you like you just threw up in their mouth. When I wake up in the mornings my first thought is of Mr. Paul. How did he sleep? Where did he sleep? Did he sleep? What is he going to do today? I get to work, start my day and wait for that text telling me he is up. Then after a few minutes I call him just to hear his voice. I can't imagine a single day of my life without him in it, and yet does he feel the same? On occasion I decide to see if he will call me. I wait, wait and wait. Nothing. So I decide to call him and see if everything is okay. There has to be a reason he hasn't called me. Did he have a heart attack? Did he crash? Did he break his leg? OMG it has to be terrible!!! I get him on the phone and say what are you doing, is everything OK and he responds with a yes why? WHAT? It's 1:00 p.m. and I haven't heard from you all day how can everything be fine. He says "I was just getting ready to call you". Come on now, I might have been born yesterday but I wasn't born last night? You think I'm that stupid?Now maybe he would have called and maybe not but as a women I always think I must love him more than he loves me, or he is more important in my life than I am in his. Why do we do that? Maybe it's really true "Men are aliens!!!!!!!" They are heartless and only care about their own needs! That's it they are all jerks! I have solved the revolutionary question all women have. We're not psycho, stalkers, spies, we just weren't given a human to deal with. Men are a completely different species. Phew......... I don't know about the rest of you but I feel a ton better now.Here's another example. Every morning when I arrive to work I place a nice comment or photo on Mr. Paul's facebook wall. Just a little something to make him smile, or think of me, or simply just so he knows I am thinking of him and love him. He has never wrote a single word on my wall. Never a response, picture, not a word. At first I kept doing it thinking he would eventually say something. Nope still nothing. So I asked him one day "hey did you like the photo I put on your facebook wall today?" He says "which one"? OMG are you frigging kidding me? If the situation was the other way around if one time he put anything on my wall I would know it by heart. Memorize it after only reading it once but he has no recollection of what I put on there that day. Crap it's worthless. I can't win.

Could it just be as simple as men are just different than us? Not worse or better just different? Hence why they are men and we are woman? Maybe that was God's plan for us to be different but the same? Maybe God just wanted to watch us try to figure this out, generation after generation. Laughing at us and how such a simple thing has remained so entirely unanswered. Maybe they love us more or even the same but don't show it for the mere fact that they are men and men are emotionless? Maybe they were raised that emotion is for girls? Or maybe our worst nightmare is actually true, maybe he really doesn't love me. Yep that must be it, he doesn't love me, I am unlovable, ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I know is I have spent my entire adult life asking myself these questions and I finally have some clarity. As I sat at Starbucks and listened to a friend speak I realized that Mr. Paul and I are not so different after all. Appears more married folks than Mr. Paul and I live everyday almost the same as we do, asking the same questions, looking for the same responses.

I am sure of one thing, although our lives together hasn't been drama or hassle free (to say the least), I have never loved someone the way I love Mr. Paul. I have never felt the way I do with him, and after 12+ years I still feel butterflies when he is near me. All I can say for sure is our love is real and although we will never be the same, that is the thing I would never want to change.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Bring your kid to work day

August 14, 2009 was bring your kids to work day for the Department of Justice (DOJ). I decided to bring Logan with him being 9 and all I figured it wouldn't be too bad and he was old enough to behave. In DOJ all the organizations have a booth and offer free exhibits, K-9 dogs, whatever they choose to show the kids something that organization does. Many of the agencies offered finger printing and the FBI had a bomb robot and truck there. It was very interesting.

Logan was very excited he got up at 6:00 a.m. and rode in with me. I bought him breakfast and then we headed out. We stopped at the FBI bomb truck.
ATF putting Logan in a bullet proof jacket
Logan with the jacket and Kevlar helmet. He's in heaven!
Waiting patiently (yeah right!) to throw a sharp dart at a balloon
With two armed U.S. Marshall's in shackles (Lord please
don't let this ever happen again) :) It's summertime and my children stay up all night and sleep most of the day. Logan as I have often said is not much of a sleeper but he still was exhausted. This is what I saw within 10 minutes of heading home. plop............ over he went.
I'm thinking , it was a successful time.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Pub Crawl

Bill and his lovely bride Joanne invited Paul and I to attend a Pub Crawl with them. We thought you know it's time for us to have some fun, so we said what the heck!

My first quest was to figure out what is a Pub Crawl exactly. Basically Bill and Joanne were staying at a hotel in Roslyn VA and a bus would pick us up at a sushi bar the next block up. We arrived to the hotel about 4:30 p.m. and Bill and Joanne were already there. They had a room a few doors down from us. We checked in, went to the room and got unpacked. The view from the room was so beautiful.

Then we went to their room. They had an adjoining room with their friends Roddy and his girlfriend. Between the two rooms there was so much food and alcohol. Any kind of drink you could literally imagine. They had like 4 plastic tubs full of alcohol for the bus. Paul and I started with jungle juice. Bill and Joanne made it. The funniest thing about that was they were telling us about how this container (like a water jug for a cooler) had a screw on top which if removed allowed one to pour several things into the jug at once. However neither of them noticed this removable top when they were making the jungle juice. They had unscrewed the actual area where you flip the tab and the drink comes out. It took them forever to get all the liquor in the jug and get it full. Only then did they notice the removable top that would have saved them a whole lot of time. Now that is funny. Were they already drinking???

Bill and Joanne's friend Trey enters the room. Now he was a hoot. He walks in and you knew without even knowing him he was definitely was the life of the party. He walks in and says "Hey Bitches", then the next words out of his mouth were man I promised my girlfriend I would go to Church tomorrow, "F--". In context it was hilarious. So many random thoughts all at once. All night we kept repeating it......Hey Bitches, I gotta go to church tomorrow, F---". Okay well maybe you have to be there, but if you were there you can totally hear it. In the picture below of our lovely Joanne - Trey is on the far right. Hey dude what's happening?
Little by little more folks began to arrive to the "hot spot". Soon it was standing room only in this small room. Our cherished jungle juice was being invaded by everyone. Dang it, I don't drink but man that was mine. I knew I should have hid it. So we head off to the sushi bar, called Cafe Asia. Great! I can't wait...one thing I don't eat?? Anything that used to swim or slither in life, where are we going? Sushi bar? Not good, not only is it a form of fish but raw fish, dead fish, and worse ever, fish eggs. I want to literally throw up. Thank goodness they have regular Chinese type food.

So Bill and Joanne order a platter of all different types of Sushi. Let me explain the place is packed, and loud as ever. You can barley hear the waitress more less she can't understand us very well. So hear comes the platter. The waitress sets down their platter and they dig in. Arg! There it is plenty of all different types of random dead fish guts, eggs all swirled together.

At the opposite end of the table sits these two girls. One I will call her Blondie, but carries the type attitude that she thought she was the main desert for all, somehow thinking she was blessing the rest of us with her presence. PLEASE! Her friend, butta face, as we were calling her, was not attractive and honestly after 34 drinks, still not attractive had the whole "I'm hot" attitude thing going on as well. Anyway after most of Bill and Joanne's sushi platter was gone the waitress realizes that she gave Bill and Joanne the girls platter. Blondie was pissed and was glaring at our end of the table. Bill did the respectable thing. He picked up the platter with the remaining sushi and walked it down to them. Of course Blondie and butta were not about to eat after anyone so they rudely declined. Ultimately the waitress was in the wrong so she brought out a new one for them and ended up bringing Bill and Joanne the one they actually ordered. So we haven't even gotten on the bus yet and already drama. What the heck and I don't even eat fish.

It's 9:00 time to board the bus. In walks Kelly. Kelly's job is to announce the bar we are heading too, give us arm bands so we don't have to pay any cover charges and tell us what time to be back on the bus so we can head to the next destination. What we see is a school bus that has been transformed. It's blue and painted all over, once inside the bus driver, Alfonzo, high fives everyone and in you go. Once inside there are no seats, just a row of bench along the outside of the bus on both sides, there are three "stability poles", disco lights and the music was blaring. In the back of the bus was all the tubes of alcohol. Oh Lord the fun begins............

Paul getting giggly on the bus!

So we are off to the first place, eyebar in DC. Now picture a blue school bus, music blaring, windows up and down and people dancing/thrusting against the stability poles. The only rule on the bus? If you don't have a drink in your hand get off! I'm stunned. Isn't this like, open container? 35 people all have been drinking for hours, on a bus all drinking alcohol, standing, dancing, swinging on the poles while driving in downtown DC. What a site. Oh but it gets better. In eyebar everyone was pretty calm just standing around basically waiting for the next stop.

We got on the bus and headed toward public bar. This place was wild, it was several levels with different types of music on each floor. Flat screen TVs everywhere. Somewhat like a sports bar setting. Here we stood packed like sardines and just laughed and drank. I had the whole smart thing going on. I would drink water in the bars and drink alcohol on the bus. We left public at midnight. The stairs in this bar are literally suicide sober if you were drunk you would not want to have to walk up these flights of stairs. They were wood, steep and Lord like 5 stories.

Oh No - Bill's on the pole..........


We were off on the bus for ride number 3 to Rumors. Now this bar was hopping. There were people literally in every crevices of the place. Bill and Joanne were dancing and since we were with them we were too. Holy crap is that Michael Jackson??? Awesome finally music I know. I tried to dance but this white girl has no rhythm. I wasn't drunk so therefore I knew I was not able to move in a way in which I could even pretend I was dancing. I am pathetic. This was so out of my element. I had no rhythm. I just knew everyone was looking at the dumb girl attempting to dance.

It was amazingly hot in there and Paul suggested we go outside for some fresh air. Well we went outside and cooled off and when we were ready to go back in the bar was at capacity, so they wouldn't let us in. We were fine with that. The bar was inside and out so we could clearly hear the music. So we just leaned up against this planter and talked to some others who were outside. There were people everywhere walking, calling cabs, getting into limos, etc. Then we got on the bus again headed to the hotel.

People were all over that stinking bus. I was thinking man I'm tired is the party over? Oh no, just starting. Everyone headed back to Bill and Joanne's room to drink it up. There were people everywhere between the two rooms. Joanne was laying flat in the middle of her bed where I felt inclined to lay next to her. We laughed and watched people.

The night drew to an end about 3:30 am. It was fun and was something totally different than Paul and I had ever done. I was a little out of my sorts but would go again if I had to do it all over. Bill and Joanne showed us a great time and we met some good people. It is always great to see Bill in a totally different light. In Eielson he was my boss, an officer and now he is just Bill. He is fun, and his wife is the best. She is this fun, lovable, wonderful person full of life. Paul and I are blessed to have them as our friends.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Can I have bubbles?

Kids man they drive us all crazy don't they? They're kind of like men, you can't live with them and you can't live without them. You love them with all your heart but sometimes you just can't figure out who raised them.

I was watching this movie and these two guys are watching kids blowing bubbles and it makes them so happy and one guy says to the other, why can't I enjoy anything as much as kids enjoy blowing bubbles? Now I don't know about your kids but my kids would never think blowing bubbles was fun. They have Wii, PS2 and Xbox, a pool table and a ping pong table and yet they are always bored. Why is that? They absolutely hate it when I say when I was a kid..... It's official I am my mother.

Doesn't it seem like when you get married sooner rather than later it seems like all you do is whine and complain? Same with kids they start out so cute and adorable, then they become teens and they are still cute and adorable but for whatever reason they have no common since? I wonder did I drive my mom and dad so crazy? Was I so lackadaisical? Did I act like I was invincible? Did I make my parents feel like nothing they did was good enough? Me? Never I was the most lovable, kind, and enjoyable child a parent could ever ask for.
Is it possible they really don't notice their room looks as though a tornado went through it? When they noticed the dishwasher was full when they place their dirty dishes on the counter to harden, so that when I get to it I break a freaking acrylic nail trying to scrap the gunk off the plate? When they drive away maybe the garage door actually went up instead of down? I mean for real I hit the button, and I saw it close. (I'm stupid) Maybe its possible the teacher really doesn't like them and that is why they got an "F". Maybe its possible they didn't see me cooking or feel the heat from the hot stove when they fixed a bowl of cereal and then weren't hungry for dinner?

Everyday it's something, if it's not grades, it's stupid girls, decisions or lack of, do all kids think money grows on trees? Do all kids despise their younger siblings? Do all kids walk past their parents with this total look of disgust? Dang kids have no idea how many dirty diapers I changed because if they did they would know I have dealt with enough crap to last a lifetime.


My kids are wonderful and I am sure my life is totally normal, but sometimes I feel like such a mean cow. I worry if I have taught them enough, sheltered them too much, given them enough responsibility. I guess all parents walk around every day with a flashing question mark beaming above my head.

All I want to do is one day come home from work and the whole house is blowing bubbles and perfectly content with it.