In general conversation and throughout my life, it's funny how men refer to their wives as "the old lady"; "the old bag"; and "ball and chain". How wude!!!! Or they say the flame is out, died, lost, or whatever. Men usually lack good communication skills (at least most women believe that) in general so even if they don't feel this way, we as women think they do because they don't tell us otherwise.
Why is it that a man can sit on the couch, lift his leg and blast a 5 minute long fart and yet if a women accidentally passes gas it's like the man looks at her like "Are you kidding, that is so gross". I'm not kidding I have 3 sons and it starts at the very earliest of ages, they can't believe that a women would ever do that. They look at you like you just threw up in their mouth. When I wake up in the mornings my first thought is of Mr. Paul. How did he sleep? Where did he sleep? Did he sleep? What is he going to do today? I get to work, start my day and wait for that text telling me he is up. Then after a few minutes I call him just to hear his voice. I can't imagine a single day of my life without him in it, and yet does he feel the same? On occasion I decide to see if he will call me. I wait, wait and wait. Nothing. So I decide to call him and see if everything is okay. There has to be a reason he hasn't called me. Did he have a heart attack? Did he crash? Did he break his leg? OMG it has to be terrible!!! I get him on the phone and say what are you doing, is everything OK and he responds with a yes why? WHAT? It's 1:00 p.m. and I haven't heard from you all day how can everything be fine. He says "I was just getting ready to call you". Come on now, I might have been born yesterday but I wasn't born last night? You think I'm that stupid?Now maybe he would have called and maybe not but as a women I always think I must love him more than he loves me, or he is more important in my life than I am in his. Why do we do that? Maybe it's really true "Men are aliens!!!!!!!" They are heartless and only care about their own needs! That's it they are all jerks! I have solved the revolutionary question all women have. We're not psycho, stalkers, spies, we just weren't given a human to deal with. Men are a completely different species. Phew......... I don't know about the rest of you but I feel a ton better now.Here's another example. Every morning when I arrive to work I place a nice comment or photo on Mr. Paul's facebook wall. Just a little something to make him smile, or think of me, or simply just so he knows I am thinking of him and love him. He has never wrote a single word on my wall. Never a response, picture, not a word. At first I kept doing it thinking he would eventually say something. Nope still nothing. So I asked him one day "hey did you like the photo I put on your facebook wall today?" He says "which one"? OMG are you frigging kidding me? If the situation was the other way around if one time he put anything on my wall I would know it by heart. Memorize it after only reading it once but he has no recollection of what I put on there that day. Crap it's worthless. I can't win.
Could it just be as simple as men are just different than us? Not worse or better just different? Hence why they are men and we are woman? Maybe that was God's plan for us to be different but the same? Maybe God just wanted to watch us try to figure this out, generation after generation. Laughing at us and how such a simple thing has remained so entirely unanswered. Maybe they love us more or even the same but don't show it for the mere fact that they are men and men are emotionless? Maybe they were raised that emotion is for girls? Or maybe our worst nightmare is actually true, maybe he really doesn't love me. Yep that must be it, he doesn't love me, I am unlovable, ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I know is I have spent my entire adult life asking myself these questions and I finally have some clarity. As I sat at Starbucks and listened to a friend speak I realized that Mr. Paul and I are not so different after all. Appears more married folks than Mr. Paul and I live everyday almost the same as we do, asking the same questions, looking for the same responses.
I am sure of one thing, although our lives together hasn't been drama or hassle free (to say the least), I have never loved someone the way I love Mr. Paul. I have never felt the way I do with him, and after 12+ years I still feel butterflies when he is near me. All I can say for sure is our love is real and although we will never be the same, that is the thing I would never want to change.