I am proud of me today. Often as you read about my life you see this array of emotions but never once have I reflected on my greater good, so today I shall. I have always been the person I am today but in my younger days I was very selective about who I opened myself up to. Now I have this since of nothing ventured nothing gained. No, I am not ever going to sky dive, bungee jump or swim with sharks, but more of a, this is who I am and you will either care deeply for me or its your loss. I allow many to see and know the real me and I don't worry so much about standing guard for that hurtful person who will prey on my feelings and vulnerabilities.
After my mother died I thought of this saying that I have posted on my facebook, myspace and on my blog profile. It reads "Life is not measured by the shell others see but by the mold we leave when the shell is gone." Now I am pretty sure I made that up but it describes what I feel is really important in the end. Life isn't measured or successful based on how many cars I have, if my house is the biggest on the block, or how many children I adopt from other countries, its measured by the things I leave behind when my body is gone from sight.
Do my kids remember things I said, annoying as they may have been? Things I loved liked butterflies, Michael Jackson, yellow, my dream vacation of someday seeing Egypt or the morals and beliefs I have tried to teach them? Do they find they try to instill the same morals, and beliefs on their own kids? Does my wonderful husband remember my smell, my laugh and miss how much I truly loved him for just being him? Will my friends and family sit around looking at my scrapbooks and not only see the pictures but the time, energy and sweat I used while creating each page. The love I felt with each individual picture? Will they tell stories of greater times and remember me with a smile?
Of course I remember my mom's less than finer moments but they don't outweigh the wonder she brought into my life. Love is undeniable, its pure in every sense and man do I love. I love my husband, I adore my kids, my family and the friends who stand by me. I often think about the woes of me and the trials and tribulations of my life, but on the drive in to work today I was reflecting on my life and realized that all these trials and tribulations or shall I say mountains I've climbed and will continue to climb, are what have made me who I am. My life experiences, these mountains weren't what created me it was the climb.
The mountains I have climbed in my life have created the make-up in which ultimately is the mold I will leave behind. I am a sister, auntie, mom, wife, volunteer, employee, daughter, and a friend and I am thankful that I believe I am fairly successful at these identities. I can smile today because I believe the mold I will leave behind is far greater than the shell I see now. I will not be easily forgotten.