Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Mom against teens - ARG!!!!!

I find that being a mom is so hard. Finding the happy medium between being cool and setting rules. When the kids were small it was easier. Their trials and tribulations were easier to handle and see what was right and what was wrong. Now being a mom of a nearly 18 and 15 year old I find it seems like an uphill battle. I either go against my gut or I am the bitch. The happy medium seems impossible.

For example one of the boys friends is a very polite kid and not bad in any way but I find myself immediately upset at the mention of his name. It started years ago when no matter what was happening his parents could never get him where he needed to go. We not only had to try to figure out how to get our own kids where they needed to be but we had to make arrangements for this kid too. We always ensured our kids had a way, we took off work, whatever it took to get them where they needed to be. Why did this boy's parents refuse to do what we did? Why sign your son up for anything knowing you couldn't be there to get him where he needed to be? It wasn't like it was a certain day or something came up, it's literally every game, every practice, everything. He never has a way to get there. It drives me literally insane.

Once Trae got his car it then became Trae's job to pick him up and take him home. Never once was gas money offered - nothing. Trae doesn't mind since he is a friend but as a mom I hate it. Well once again another season of picking up and taking home, every practice, every game. Obviously I know it's not the kids problem or fault but good grief come on now. So I told the father no more. Trae only has liability insurance (that we pay) and the knucklehead that worked on Trae's car after his accident cut his airbag cord so there are no airbags in the car. It's dangerous. I told him his son was not allowed to ride in Trae's car and he was not to ask Trae anymore because Trae can't say no and then when he takes him, I get mad and Trae gets in trouble. His father said that was fine.

Last night only a week after the parent to parent conversation, Trae calls me and says that his friend doesn't have a ride and he needs a ride. I was livid. How could his parents be so irresponsible? So I let Trae give him a ride to the game but afterwards his parents needed to be there to get him. During the game the parent was going on for about 15 minutes about how his son didn't have a way to the game on Thursday. Now in my mind I'm thinking it's only Monday you can't make arrangements for Thursday?

Now mind you this boy has his own licence, and a car of his own that is broken down, and his parents have 3 cars between the two of them. So why is this boy always stranded? Oh and lets no forget to mention that the father is a mechanic. No time to fix his sons car???

So I am at a cross road. Do I allow the boy in the car after I have already made it perfectly clear that I am not comfortable with it? Should I make the boys suffer because his parents aren't available to get him where he needs to go? Should I force another parent to be in the situation I have been in for years? Ultimately my boys are mad because they think I am being unreasonable. Of course Trish is the bad guy what's new?

I feel like why am I responsible to get this boy where he needs to be? Why does he need to be in my son's car? I paid for the car, I pay for the insurance and I paid 2200.00 to get the car fixed when Trae wrecked it and my husband has been unemployed since January 2009. Why can't his father fix his own son's car?

I feel like it's a matter of principle. He isn't my kid and I am not responsible for him but by doing that my boys get mad with me. Help me out, what do you think? Your advice is requested.


Janna said...

God rewards those that serve others and perhaps this is the task he has given you for now. Sad his parents are not there for him & it is very generous of you to do so even though it angers you. Try not to dwell on how much it angers you but that someone (in this case, you & your family) are able to help the child.

Anonymous said...

The lack of parental participation and responsiblity is one of those things that are hard to understand when you are totally involved in your children's lives. I also went through a lot of that when my daughter was young and then a new driver. It isn't the child's fault, but unfortunately the child does pay the price. Tell the parents they will need to sign a waiver for him to ride with your son and maybe that will wake them up. Not that the waiver will totally protect you, but hopefully they will realize how important it is.

Trish said...

I did think of that having them sign I know it won't hold a candle in court if something happens, but probably would make me feel better. They on the other hand --it probably wouldn't even faze them. they could care less as long as they don't have to be bothered. At least that is the impression I get.