Me

Me

Monday, June 15, 2009

I am a Rock and a Pebble.


Today I awoke to lightening and rain. Got on the road at 6:00 a.m. right on time and as with any random day when you live in the city I found that my car was not moving. Great! I turned on the radio for a traffic update only to find that both ways out of my town to work were blocked by accidents. For the Love of God are you kidding me??? How do people wreck first thing in the morning, do they not understand people have to be at work? ARG!!!!!
I took a back road thinking I'll show you. Until I realized everyone else knew my short cut too. Crap it's a little early for me to be dealing with issues. I haven't even combed my hair yet. (I curl my hair at work). With traffic at a stop I decided I might as well just put on my make-up now which would be one thing to cross off my list of things to do once I arrive to work. Yeah I know people see you doing that and think "you stupid woman - can't you do that at home? That's how accidents happen". NO! I don't do it while in motion, only at stop lights, etc.
Okay done with the make-up so now it's just think about my day. hmmm... do I want to continue to feel confused or am I going to cowboy up and take action? I am the queen of advice to others so I can already hear myself giving advice to others and then getting irritated because they opt not to do what I have suggested. As you know sometimes life is more complicated than people let on. For me I am a very strong person. As a matter of fact most of my friends and family refer to me as the "Rock". I would have to say I am a rock, but I also am a pebble. I don't like being a pebble feeling weak and out of control but what is it that takes the super human out of me like kryptonite?
The daily struggles of life are really taking a toll on me. I feel like regardless of the situation or issue I am in a lose lose situation banging my head against a brick wall. That's the most frustrating thing for me. I can't control others actions (or lack of) so I feel helpless, which then turns to depression, which then reflects a pebble.
You know what has always baffled me? Someone makes a decision to do something. They do it, it gets back to the other person who is hurt by their decision. What happens? The innocent person has to make a decision that sometimes they don't want to make? Why do people do that? Why do I have to make a decision that I don't want to make because you're stupid? Isn't that always how it is? One person by making a decision that suits them forces another to make a decision they don't want to make. That's bull crap to me.
I think it's normal to be a rock and a pebble, I find it so hard to believe that people don't think of me as ever being a pebble but it's okay to be both. I think being a pebble is unhealthy and one should always learn to be a rock too. When you let your guard down, you set yourself up to get hurt hence the pebble.

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