Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Victim of gossip......

I know we have all talked about a co-worker from time to time at work before. Usually when people talk it's about your clothes, or your hair, maybe someway you acted, or something that's generally harmless.

However I was recently a victim of gossip. God I was so hurt and so shocked and so surprised that someone would actually gossip about me in the workplace about something that was in my opinion so harmful. I won't go into detail about the play by play details, but I believe this started about a month ago when there was a misunderstanding between me and two of my friends.

Then last week one of the friends involved in the previous situation went behind my back and requested something that he had no business getting and then found something on there that wasn't clear to him and he took it to someone else who then took it to someone else and then one more person. So in total he got this info he didn't/shouldn't have had and showed it to 4 other people.

When I was told what happened my initial reaction was that I wondered about this person's motive. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong so that didn't even cross my mind and the fact that 5 people saw something that they didn't need to see was not okay but wasn't a cause for concern for me. What my concern was that it was appearing that this person was trying to destroy my character/integrity.

For those of you who know me you know that Integrity is #1 for me always!!!! So I found out who it was and although I was shocked and hurt I stewed about it for 3 days. Then I approached him and told him that I knew what he had done and that even if he hated me he "knew" me and he knew I was not someone who would ever take advantage of anyone purposely. He felt terrible and he apologized to me for what he had done. He said he wished he would have come to me as I had come to him.

So what did I learn? We all know we can't trust everyone but see it's not like that. This person was my "friend" and I thought he knew me, my character, my morals, me.

After talking to him I realized that who knows why I did the right thing and just approached him calmly and told him how I felt. I didn't blame, I didn't point a finger or say anything that would cause him to be defensive. I simply told him how I felt and how it hurt me.
The result? It was productive, taken care of without further any further damage. There are no hard feelings and I think he will think before he acts next time. It's important to know your limits and know when it's right for you to approach the situation head on in a productive non-threatening manner. If you approach the other person in a threatening manner you immediately cause the other individual to put up their defense mechanisms and the result will not be productive. As with anything it's all about your approach and delivery. Hard lesson to learn if you have never been on the receiving end of untrue gossip.
Note to self, the next time you are laughing with another at the expense of someone else, consider how you would feel if it was others laughing about you. If you say anything think about it before you say anything and ask yourself if someone said it about you would you be hurt?

1 comment:

Jaimey said...

Good lesson! sorry you had to learn it, or be reminded of it. I love the way you handled it! Good job.