Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A cry for help

So my ex husband Andy is an alcoholic. He has spent years drinking his life away, drinking his problems away and now he is very sick. Fact is he is my boys father!

You know for years we couldn't have a 5 minute conversation without fighting. We divorced in 1996 and have never communicated well together until this year. I was so angry for the choices he made and the pain he had caused my two wonderful boys. He had gone over 3 years without having any communication with them, and I was very angry.

When he called the end of January and asked for me I took a moment to pray for patience and strength. I know God helped me and I got through the call. Within a week of conversations he began to open up to me about the severity of his condition. I felt so helpless and sad but tried to think of ways to help him. He was laid off from his job as many people today are and had no savings or insurance. I emailed my sister Liz and asked her to google treatment centers where he lives and send me some numbers. I called and found a facility that would take him. Paul made calls to find out about his unemployment, and together we would call Andy and do whatever we could to help him.

Then as we talked we started wrapping up one issue after another. Who would pay his rent while he was gone, who would watch is cat "Gary", etc. It seemed like things were progressing. Then he called his parents whom he hasn't had much of a relationship with either through the years. They spoke and then a few days later they took him to lunch and I can't tell you what that meant to him.

His father said something to me when I called there I will never forget. He said my hats off to you Trish, God was speaking through you to him and he heard you, for whatever reason he is listening to you and we are so grateful. WOW! What do you say to that? Andy would call me at 6:00 am when I was driving to work, text me while I was working, and call later each night. It was hard but I kept thinking about his dad's words to me and wanted to make sure I was available for him regardless. How could I turn my back on the man who fathered my kids, and needed my help? I couldn't I had to try to make sure he knew he could count on me. I didn't know why me and that wasn't important. All I knew was whatever I was saying was helping him and for my kids sake it was the least I could do.

See for you and I, we don't understand how someone can let drinking take over literally every aspect of their lives. But for Andy it's his life. It's what he knows, it's his comfort zone. I prefer laying on the couch with a blanket but for him a 12 pack of beer. Obviously he has lost more than his health, every relationship he's ever been in, his family, his kids, his job, his licence, everything. He sits alone in his apartment watching mindless TV and drinks. Again I know what your thinking...he choose it. Yeah I know I get it, I thought that too at first, but who are we to judge. He knows he has wronged people and we all know you can't change the past only the future.

See he wasn't always like this. He was student body president, played on the football team and was very popular. We married at 20 had a son at 21 and another at 24. We grew apart and we were different people but he was still Andy then. Where did it change for him? I don't know, neither does he. But it changed.

For me three years ago I wouldn't have spoken to him long enough to get involved, but God found me and I have realized that people need our help. When, where, who we don't know that's why it's so important that we always have an open mind and an open heart. It's easy to pray for the people we love, but it takes extra effort to pray for someone that has caused us pain, and isn't easy to love. But I believe those are the ones we really should be praying for.

Andy is getting ready to go to treatment and he is nervous and scared and I'm sure he feels alone, so the point of this blog is if you are reading this I'm asking for your prayers for him, for his recovery, and for his family. We all make decisions in life that others don't agree with or understand but try to remember that time in your life when someone acted hastily or turned their back on you when you needed them and make a difference now by not turning your back on him. It doesn't matter if you know him or not what matters is that you can open your prayers out to someone who needs a prayer. Thank you.


Samantha Leigh said...

all i can say is, now is not the time for anyone to hold any grudges.

at the time, he probably didnt realize that his drinkin would eventually hurt someone other than himself. it was his source of comfort to "escape" his problems. no it probably wasnt the healthiest way to deal, but everyone deals with their issues differently.

yes, andy may have lost the people he was close to back then but if we all care so much about him in the ways that we say we do, NOW is the time to step up and SHOW HIM we ARE there for him. we might not have been there before but we are now, and it is never too late to show someone that you love and care about them.

all we can do is pray, pray and pray that God will guide us down the right path and help andy with the best of our abilities, and to help and encourage him to live a healthy, happy and sober life later.

andy needs to know goin into his treatments that THERE ARE people are here for him loving, supporting and guiding him through this.

no one can change the history of the past but we can always choose the direction of the future. the future is what we make it. by holding andy's hand through this, he will learn to let go of the bottle and learn to take our hands and then with that, we can show him that he too, can be happy.

Anonymous said...

I will say a prayer for him and pray that God will step into his life. God is the only one that has the power to reach out and through Trish has done so. It is now up to Andy to make different choices in his life. Alcohol takes over a life before they know it has happened and the chances are so much higher in our family due to heredity. God be with you Andy. We love you. JV

Liz said...

My prayers are with Andy and his family as it will take all of them for him to get through this. I'm glad that I could help to find the treatment centers that were near him.

Christine J said...

trish - my prayers are with you and your family and andy. It takes an amazing person full of love and compassion to lead him in the right direction and get him help.

I go to these churches and see people put money in the baskets and they think their duties are done and they will go to heaven. But that isnt always the case... Doing the right thing is more about helping others in need, caring for them, praying for them, actions and words rahter than a few coins in a basket.

I am praying for all of you to have the straighten to get through this in your own ways. You have a good family there, rely on them. Dont let anyone shut down. Talk about whats going on and how you are feeling. Dont let anyone ever think they are alone.

You're in my prayers trish!