So my ex husband Andy is an alcoholic. He has spent years drinking his life away, drinking his problems away and now he is very sick. Fact is he is my boys father!
You know for years we couldn't have a 5 minute conversation without fighting. We divorced in 1996 and have never communicated well together until this year. I was so angry for the choices he made and the pain he had caused my two wonderful boys. He had gone over 3 years without having any communication with them, and I was very angry.
When he called the end of January and asked for me I took a moment to pray for patience and strength. I know God helped me and I got through the call. Within a week of conversations he began to open up to me about the severity of his condition. I felt so helpless and sad but tried to think of ways to help him. He was laid off from his job as many people today are and had no savings or insurance. I emailed my sister Liz and asked her to google treatment centers where he lives and send me some numbers. I called and found a facility that would take him. Paul made calls to find out about his unemployment, and together we would call Andy and do whatever we could to help him.
Then as we talked we started wrapping up one issue after another. Who would pay his rent while he was gone, who would watch is cat "Gary", etc. It seemed like things were progressing. Then he called his parents whom he hasn't had much of a relationship with either through the years. They spoke and then a few days later they took him to lunch and I can't tell you what that meant to him.
His father said something to me when I called there I will never forget. He said my hats off to you Trish, God was speaking through you to him and he heard you, for whatever reason he is listening to you and we are so grateful. WOW! What do you say to that? Andy would call me at 6:00 am when I was driving to work, text me while I was working, and call later each night. It was hard but I kept thinking about his dad's words to me and wanted to make sure I was available for him regardless. How could I turn my back on the man who fathered my kids, and needed my help? I couldn't I had to try to make sure he knew he could count on me. I didn't know why me and that wasn't important. All I knew was whatever I was saying was helping him and for my kids sake it was the least I could do.
See for you and I, we don't understand how someone can let drinking take over literally every aspect of their lives. But for Andy it's his life. It's what he knows, it's his comfort zone. I prefer laying on the couch with a blanket but for him a 12 pack of beer. Obviously he has lost more than his health, every relationship he's ever been in, his family, his kids, his job, his licence, everything. He sits alone in his apartment watching mindless TV and drinks. Again I know what your thinking...he choose it. Yeah I know I get it, I thought that too at first, but who are we to judge. He knows he has wronged people and we all know you can't change the past only the future.
See he wasn't always like this. He was student body president, played on the football team and was very popular. We married at 20 had a son at 21 and another at 24. We grew apart and we were different people but he was still Andy then. Where did it change for him? I don't know, neither does he. But it changed.
For me three years ago I wouldn't have spoken to him long enough to get involved, but God found me and I have realized that people need our help. When, where, who we don't know that's why it's so important that we always have an open mind and an open heart. It's easy to pray for the people we love, but it takes extra effort to pray for someone that has caused us pain, and isn't easy to love. But I believe those are the ones we really should be praying for.
Andy is getting ready to go to treatment and he is nervous and scared and I'm sure he feels alone, so the point of this blog is if you are reading this I'm asking for your prayers for him, for his recovery, and for his family. We all make decisions in life that others don't agree with or understand but try to remember that time in your life when someone acted hastily or turned their back on you when you needed them and make a difference now by not turning your back on him. It doesn't matter if you know him or not what matters is that you can open your prayers out to someone who needs a prayer. Thank you.